College Jokes – University Jokes #college #jokes, #university #jokes, #jokes, #stories, #humor, #funny


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College Jokes

Alabama
Q. What’s the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

Q. Whats the difference between Alabama and cheerios?
A. One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn’t!

Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!

Arizona
Q. Why do Arizona students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!

Arizona State
Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the Sun Devil campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q: Why are rectal thermometers banned at Arizona State University?
A: They cause too much brain damage!

Q: Why don’t Arizona State Sun Devils fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Arkansas
Q. Why do Razorbacks put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Auburn
Q. How do you get an Auburn student off your porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza!

Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they’re afraid of Alabama Power.

Baylor
Q: Why don’t Baylor University fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Bowling Green
Q: What do you say when you see a Bowling Green grad in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise!

California
Q: What’s the hardest thing about being an California Golden Bears football fan?
A: Telling your parents that you’re gay.

California State
Q: What does the average California State University student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Connecticut
Q: What should you do if you find three UConn football fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Drexel
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at Drexel University weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Duke
Q: Do you know why the Duke University football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Florida State
Q: What’s the difference between an Florida Gators fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Florida State
Q: Why don’t they have Christmas at FSU?
A: They can’t find a virgin and three wise men.

Georgia
Q: What do you get when you cross an Georgia Bulldog and a pig?
A: Nothing. There’s some things that a pig will not do.

Indiana
Q. What does Indiana University need to win a basketball championship?
A. A coach

Kansas
Q. Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Lawrence, KS?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Kansas State
Q. How did the Wildcat die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Kentucky
How many Wildcats does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!

Q: How do you compliment an University Of Kentucky fan?
A: Nice tooth.

Q: What is the definition of safe sex down at the University Of Kentucky?
A: Placing a sign on the animals that kick.

Louisiana State
Q: Did you hear about the fire in Louisiana State University’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.

Michigan
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What do you get when you see blue and yellow?
A: Bruised.

Q: Why does Michigan have a big football stadium?
A: They have big heads.

Q: How do you kill a Wolverine?
A: Put it in an arena against a Spartan.

Michigan State
Q. What do you call a genius at MSU?
A. Visitor.

Q. What is the most common line used by an Michigan State alum?
A. Would you like fries with that?

Minnesota
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Minnesota library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q. Did you hear about the Golden Gopher alum who froze to death?
A. He went to the drive in. He sat through Closed for the season !

Nebraska
Q. How do you get a Cornhusker off your front porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza.

Notre Dame
Q: How do you make University of Notre Dame cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q: What should you do if you find three Fighting Irish fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

Oklahoma
Q. What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Oklahoma have in common?
A. They both end up in trailer parks.

Oklahoma State
Q: How can you tell when there’s been an Oklahoma State student in your backyard?
A: The garbage is gone and your dog’s pregnant.

Ohio State
Q. How many Buckeyes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. TWO. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

Q: What do Ohio State and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: How do you make OSU cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Ohio State football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!

Oregon State
Q: Did you hear about the Oregon State fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn’t get his family out.

Penn State
Q: Why do Penn State University graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Purdue
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and Purdue University?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

San Diego State
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the San Diego State campus. That’s the last place you would find a football player.

San Francisco
Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at USF?
A. With a restraining order.

Tennessee
Q: How many University of Tennessee freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it’s a sophomore course.

Q: How do you castrate an Tennessee football player?
A: You hit his sister in the jaw

Texas A M
Q. Why does Texas A M have Astroturf at their football stadium
A. To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

Q: What did the Aggie do after the Longhorns beat A M
A: He tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

UCLA
Q. How many Bruins does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. ONE, but it never really gets done. He holds the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around him.

UNLV
Q: What does the average Runnin Rebel get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

USC
Q. What’s the first thing a Trojan girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

How many Trojan girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
ONE. She screws everything why not a light bulb?

Utah
Q: What do you call a Utah football player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Utah State
Q: What did the Utah State graduate say to the Utah graduate?
A: “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order, please?”

Virginia Tech
Q. What’s harder than a loner Korean getting admission to Virginia Tech?
A. Nothing.

West Virginia
Q: What is the definition of a West Virginia virgin?
A: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers..

Yale
Q. What to they call students who go to Yale?
A. Rejects from Harvard!


Project Management War Stories #pm #war #stories, #pmwarstories.com, #project #management #war #stories, #project #management, #project


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Small and medium enterprises (SME) typically are lean, agile organizations. On one hand, functional managers of SMEs often wear multiple hats and are focused on executing the day-to-day operations to ensure their organization’s survival. On the other hand, the executives of SMEs are charged with creating a strategic vision and executing on that vision to ensure the long-term viability of the organization. And oh by the way depending on the size of the organization, the executives may also be working in the trenches as well to maximize the chances to achieve success.

Like their larger brethren, success requires SMEs to be able to not only articulate the strategic goals of the organization, but also to capture and implement them at all levels of the enterprise to ensure that all projects, not matter how small or large, are aligned to the enterprise’s overall strategy. The lack of a middle management layer in SMEs, however, often means that there is no one in the organization to help translate the vision of the executives into operational terms so that the entire enterprise and all of its projects (i.e. tactical activities) are working in concert to achieve the same common set of goals.

Strategic management offices (SMO) represent one approach to help SMEs align their tactical operations with their strategic planning, bridging the gap between the operations management and the executive suite while optimizing resource management and minimizing waste.

In this episode, we will examine what makes strategy implementation so difficult in SMEs, what is an SMO, and how does an SMO differ from a project management office (PMO).

To do this, Wayne Thompson sits down with his friend and colleague, Michael Kamel. who will be sharing his insights and war stories on aligning operational activities with strategic planning in small and medium enterprises.

1. The opening of the show – “Highlight Reel”

2. The closing of the show – “Redondo Beach”

Tags: Deloitte, Michael Kamel, operations, PMI, PMI Montreal, PMO, project management, Project Management Institute, Project Management Office, project office, Small and Medium Enterprises, SME, SMO, Strategic Management Office, strategic planning, Wayne Thompson

In this episode, I share three principles that have helped me throughout my career.

Let’s face it, as project managers time, scope, and budget are often much easier to manage than the people associated with our projects. How effective your people skills are, can impact the fluidity and success of a project. So here’s 3 principles to keep in mind during your next project.

  1. Never eat at a place called mom s ;
  2. Never play poker with a man named doc ; and
  3. Never get into a fight with someone who has more scars than you .

I hope you enjoyed these principles and encourage you to share your own principles by posting comments below or emailing them to pmwarstories(at)gmail(dot)com.

Music Notes
1. The opening of the show – “Torn Jeans”
2. The closing of the show – “Lazy Day”

Tags: best practices, Doc, Guiding Principles, Mentoring, Mom’s, Nelson Algren, people skills, project management, project success, Salty Dogg, Scars, soft skills, Stakeholder Management, Stakeholders, Wayne Thompson

March 19, 2011

In this episode, I’m sitting down with my friend and colleague, Mel Bost in part two of a two part series on project lessons learned.

Mel has over 30 years of project management experience and authors the blog Mel Bost PMO Expert which summarizes successful behaviors of project managers working in a PMO setting as well as the structure and actions of a real PMO. Today Mel will be sharing his experiences and insights on the project lessons learned.

Music Notes
1. The opening of the show – “Catwalk”
2. Interview with the industry insider – “Wild Card”
3. The closing of the show – “Lazy Day”

Tags: best practices, lessons learned, Mel Bost, PMO, project management, project management office, project milestones, project office, stage gate, Wayne Thompson

February 25, 2011

In this episode, I’m sitting down with my friend and colleague, Mel Bost in part one of a two part series on project lessons learned.

Mel has over 30 years of project management experience and authors the blog Mel Bost PMO Expert which summarizes successful behaviors of project managers working in a PMO setting as well as the structure and actions of a real PMO. Today Mel will be sharing his experiences and insights on the project lessons learned.

Music Notes
1. The opening of the show – “Highlight Reel”
2. Interview with the industry insider – “Sprightly”
3. The closing of the show – “Yearbook”

Tags: best practices, lessons learned, Mel Bost, PMO, project management, project management office, project milestones, project office, stage gate, Wayne Thompson

January 13, 2011

In this episode, I’m sitting down with my friend and colleague, Mel Bost in part two of a two part series on innovative approaches to successfully define business requirements.

Mel has over 30 years of project management experience and authors the blog Mel Bost PMO Expert which summarizes successful behaviors of project managers working in a PMO setting as well as the structure and actions of a real PMO. Today Mel will be sharing his experiences and insights on the power of design thinking.

Music Notes
1. The opening of the show – “Kickflip”
2. Interview with the industry insider – “Sprightly”
3. The closing of the show – “Yearbook”

Tags: best practices, business requirements, design thinking, innovation, Mel Bost, new product development, NPD, PMO, project management, project management office, project office, stakeholder management, Wayne Thompson

December 30, 2010

In this episode, I’m sitting down with my friend and colleague, Mel Bost in part one of a two part series on innovative approaches to successfully define business requirements.

Mel has over 30 years of project management experience and authors the blog Mel Bost PMO Expert based on his own experiences in developing and maturing PMO organizations with several major Fortune 500 companies. Mel’s blog summarizes successful behaviors of project managers working in a PMO setting as well as the structure and actions of a real PMO. Today Mel will be sharing his experiences and insights on taking innovative approaches to successfully defining business requirements, including the power of design thinking.

Music Notes
1. The opening of the show – “Collins Avenue”
2. Interview with the industry insider – “Offroad”
3. The closing of the show – “Yearbook”

Tags: best practices, business requirements, design thinking, innovation, Mel Bost, new product development, NPD, PMO, project management, project management office, project office, stakeholder management, Wayne Thompson

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Bibliography (Classic Short Stories) #books, #book, #bookstore, #book #store, #reading, #short #stories, #classic #short #stories,


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This is a listing of the stories by author with mention of the books that the stories were taken from or mention of the person who so graciously supplied the story to Classic Short Stories. Bravo. We have also added a word count for those who have a limited amount of time and would prefer to gauge the length of the story to the amount of time they have.

Thomas Bailey Aldrich

Marjorie Daw. FAMILY BOOK OF BEST LOVED SHORT STORIES 189-207 (1954) Word Count: 7419.

Honore de Balzac

A Passion in the Desert. A TREASURY OF SHORT STORIES 60-69 (1947) Word Count: 5565.

Beyond the Wall. submitted by Annalee Elliot (1999) Word Count: 3448.

A Horseman in the Sky. A TREASURY OF SHORT STORIES 257-261 (1947) Word Count: 2543.

An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge. ANTHOLOGY OF FAMOUS AMERICAN STORIES 337-344 (1953) Word Count: 3804.

In the Red Room. submitted by Cathy Word Count: 3690.

Paul’s Case. ANTHOLOGY OF FAMOUS AMERICAN STORIES 681-697 (1953) Word Count: 8970.

Anton Pavlovich Checkhov

The Bet. ADVENTURES IN APPRECIATION 167-172 (1973) Word Count: 2871.

The Darling. BOOK OF THE SHORT STORY, THE 261-271 (1948) Word Count: 5028.

A Day in the Country. A TREASURY OF SHORT STORIES 54-58 (1947) Word Count: 2385.

The Lottery Ticket. APPROACH TO LITERATURE, AN 37-39 (1952) Word Count: 1978.

A Slander. ADVENTURES IN APPRECIATION 146-149 (1973) Word Count: 1503.

The Soldier’s Peaches. 30 STORIES TO REMEMBER 52-61 (1962) Word Count: 5231.

The Most Dangerous Game. ADVENTURES IN AMERICAN LITERATURE 19-30 (1947) Word Count: 8426.

Beware of the Dog. A TREASURY OF SHORT STORIES 493-500 (1947) Word Count: 5072.

Lamb to the Slaughter. submitted by Ian Pramuk Word Count: 3899.

Man From the South. submitted by Ian Pramuk Word Count: 4625.

Richard Harding Davis

The Consul. SCRIBNER TREASURY–22 CLASSIC TALES 473-492 (1953) Word Count: 7446.